Sunday, April 29, 2007
Secks in the Seetee
Yvy tagged me.
1) Ever been to a strip club?
Nope. I'm not into watching girls strip unless they're all, like, Jessica Alba clones or something.
2) Ever been to a bar?
3) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Nope. I'm always on my best behaviour when clubbing.
4) Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
Nope. I have a macho reputation to protect.
5) Kissed someone of the same sex as you?
Nope. But some girl kissed me in Form 4. I was doing my work and she just appeared from behind, called my name, and when I turned around, she kissed me. The rest of the other girls in class were laughing. Bitches.
6) Thrown up from drinking too much?
Yes. And I've got a special friend who can testify to this one. I have puked twice in a space of less than 5 minutes.
7) Had sex in a car?
8) Had sex in a park?
Nope. I don't fancy my ass being bitten by mozzies.
9) Had sex in a cinema?
10) Had sex in a bathroom?
11) Had sex at work?
No way. The last 2 places I worked at had CCTVs all around.
12) Have you ever been in an “adult” store?
Of course. It was boring. Not to mention expensive. A stupid made-in-China vibrator for more than RM150? Oh puh-leez.
13) Bought something from an “adult” store?
Online, yes. I'm a pro at it.
14) Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
I've probably done most of the straight ones hahahahahahahaha. Okay, nope.
15) Have you ever had a threesome?
Almost. Actually it was a foursome, but the two other lezzie bitches chickened out at the very last minute.
16) Are your breasts real?
17) Have you ever kissed a stranger?
Been there, done that.
18) Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Nope. If I see a camera near my naked bod, I'm gonna grab it and flush it down the toilet bowl.
19) Ever had oral sex in a nightclub?
Not in a nightclub. Like I said, I'm always on my best behaviour when out clubbing.
20) Ever had sex with someone you met through Myspace?
Not Myspace. What's Myspace anyway?
21) Who, on your friends list, will complete this survey?
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 11:33 pm ::
Noone, except for my virginal little cousin.
My birthday dinner
Last night my B brought me to Casa Davide
for my birthday dinner. Before that, I was hopping up and down with excitement and I reminded myself over and over again to take pictures, but when the food came, it looked so good and we both gobbled everything down...
...without taking pictures. Mehh.
was yummilicious. Honestly, any food topped with fresh tomatoes deserves alot of love from me.
The fettucine carbonara (which Miss Thongs
highly recommended) was pretty good, but by the end of the meal, I was feeling a tad queasy from the heavy cream.
B's turkey ham pizza (sans pineapple) looked nice but I snitched the very last cold slice so by then the cheese was slightly hard already.
But best of all, since B is friends with the owner of Casa Davide, he got a 20% discount for food. Well, it shouldn't matter to me since it was B paying for the dinner, but heyyyyy discounts make me happy! :)
Btw, someone gave me a photo frame for my birthday. I shall scream in frustration now.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:30 pm ::
Friday, April 27, 2007
Incoherent but alive
It's that time of the month when I have to rush to complete my reports when all I really want to do is play Pokemon Sapphire for 6 hours straight. I've got 106 Pokemons on my Pokedex and I managed to catch a Feebas and evolve it into a Milotic.
But you non-Pokemon players would never, ever be able to understand how gooooooood it feels to watch your butt ugly fish Feebas evolve into a breathtakingly beautiful water dragon. Oh, how I held my breath for so many tense seconds after I fed it one last Pokeblock and raise it one more level...
Like I said, you wouldn't understand.
Which is why I would prefer to focus on my birthday which is coming up in 4 days time.
Send those wishes (and presents!), people.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 12:17 am ::
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Got holiday, still wanna beef
Why can't the King hold his coronation on Friday instead of Thursday? It doesn't make much sense for me to work on Wednesday, take a break on Thursday, COME BACK TO WORK ON FRIDAY, and take a break on Saturday.
This arrangement would only work if I'm a factory worker.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 10:53 pm ::
Sunday, April 22, 2007
If we were staying in the same house, one of us would have been relegated to the guest room
Last night B confined me to one side of the table because I was enthusiastically rooting for Chelsea while he was yelling for Newcastle to cripple all the Chelsea players.Mr C
didn't help things by doing the Malaysian Airlines advertisement spoof, "This is your captain speaking. For your own safety, will all Newcastle supporters sit on the right and all Chelsea supporters on the left... thank you!" while B laughed his head off and moved his chair further and further from me.
I tried telling them that I HAD to root for Chelsea because my Fantasy EPL
team is at stake but all they did was laugh harder and verbally thrashed every single Chelsea player (poor Joe Cole got cursed half a dozen times to have his legs broken) and aaaarrrggggghhhhhh in the end Chelsea didn't win.
But thank goodness, neither did Newcastle. *snigger*
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 11:06 pm ::
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Hedo plays Aunt Agony
Questions from Teen Life Q&A database
. Answers are all mine.I’m 16 and in love with a much older man. He’s 34 and treats me like gold but I worry about how my parents will react when they learn how old he is. He doesn’t look 34, more like 24, so I could lie to them and say he is younger but I just don’t know if I should. Advice?I don't understand why the hell you're complaining. You've shacked up with a guy who treats you like gold. He looks 10 years younger than his actual age. Best of all, if the sex sucks, you can always charge him for rape. So yeah, you should just forget telling your parents about your pedophile boyfriend unless you're prepared to be bitchslapped, kicked out of the house and disowned.I have a big crush on this guy in a grade higher than me. We don't have any classes together but we are both in band and on the school paper. I know I love him because I just can't get him off of my mind. At a party I confessed my true feelings and he told me he liked me too - as a friend. He said he just wanted us to be friends right now. I really, really want to be with him, how do I make him love me?Oh boy... a psychostalker wannabe. Someone call the cops please. Okay, let's be serious now. If you're pretty and have huge knockers, then I suggest going to band practice in a bikini, strip in front of him and stick a flute up your pussy. If you're not pretty, then I suggest you go for plastic surgery and make yourself look like Jessica Alba before sticking a flute up your pussy.My Mom is driving me crazy and I want to go live with my Dad. Can I go live wherever I want? What are my rights? Help because if I can’t go live with my Dad I’m going to run away!Poor you. I totally understand how you feel because I get that kind of shit from both my mum and dad, so I don't have the option of running off to live with my dad, because, like, they both live together, geddit? hur hur. Anyway, my advice to you is to hire a lawyer but then you can't because you're just a little ickle kiddie widdie. So my next best advice is to just run away to your dad's place and let him deal with your crazy mum.My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months, what is an appropriate gift to give him? I don’t want to seem too over the top but I also don’t want to look cheap. Help!You didn't mention your budget, so I assume you're only getting a normal teenager's allowance which should be around $50 a month? Well, you could get him normal boy stuff like t-shirts and PC games, but I say just give him your virginity. Why spend money when you can give him a free piece of yourself?Oh, and if you've busted your hymen, just let him pop your anal ring. If you've busted that too, then I've no idea why he's dating a dirty slut like you.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 10:49 pm ::
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
What's next? Brittle bones or varicose veins?
Back in 2005, Miss Skanky Thongs
and I ruled the dancefloor every Friday and Saturday night without fail. Okay, she ruled the dancefloor and the alcoholic scene more, but that was because I don't drink and my interest mainly lies in mentally devouring hot guys.
We usually got into the club early to avoid paying cover charges. From there, we would work the dancefloor till midnight when the club closes. By then, my fling would've arrived with his posse of friends and then we'd proceed to another club, a really seedy one that has liberal operating hours.
That was then.
Recently (like 3 weeks back) Thong's friend, K, proposed a girl's night out complete with sashimi buffet and clubbing. I was very hesitant but okayyyyyyyy clubbing shouldn't be a problem, so three of us headed straight to the dancefloor and started gyrating our hips and asses...
... for a record-breaking 15 minutes before I started grimacing and Thongs was clutching her waist and we were both gasping for air like asthmatic bunnies.
This is now.
We're both putting the blame on old age.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:51 pm ::
Monday, April 16, 2007
I have one more year to pretend that I live in tax-free Brunei
Dad: So have you called up Inland Revenue yet?
Me: I asked them why I couldn't download the tax form online and they asked me whether I have a PIN number. Then I tell them that I don't have one because I don't have a tax file. And then they said that I have to bring a photostated copy of my IC down to their office in order to get myself registered.
Dad: *frowns* What? You can't register online?
Me: *shrugs* That what they say. I have to personally go to the Inland Revenue building to get myself registered. What a hassle.
Dad: Don't bother. You can register next year. Your income is taxable but I don't think the amount you have to pay matters much anyway.
Me: I agree. :)
It's great to have a father who have zero tolerance for bureaucratic red-tape and inefficiency.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:42 pm ::
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Look what happened to skinny little Nancy Callahan
oh yeahhhhhh... yeahhhh baybehhhhhh....
Sometimes I wish to be a guy, just so that I can plaster gorgeous Miss Alba on my wall, wank myself into blur oblivion, and not feel stupid about it.
Which is all I feel like writing because I've got a bad tummy ache and I've got to do my bloody tax returns and nobody is sympathetic about it.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 8:11 pm ::
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I wuv my Liverpool
TGIF. I'm beat.
Hail to the weekend, hail to Liverpool and may they thrash Man City 3-0 tomorrow night, hail to NOT waking up at an ungodly 7am, hail to long afternoon naps...
You guys can tell that I'm so not a weekday person, right?
Enjoy yourselves and have a good laugh at Arsenal when they get their sorry arses kicked by Bolton. I would love to see Man Utd's arse get kicked too, but against a sorrowful team like Sheffield, that's highly unlikely.
Then again, miracles do happen. :)
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 11:01 pm ::
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
This is Beau, the English Setter. He was stolen from his owner's property in Australia on 1st July 2003 and until today, his owner (Susan) has not stopped looking for him. She set up a website http://www.findingbeau.com/
to let people know about Beau, what happened to him, and how much she loves him and wants him back.
Susan is confident that Beau is still alive (hey, don't ever ever doubt the power of faith!) and she won't stop at anything to have him back. She even offered a large reward coupled with a No Questions Asked policy for Beau's safe return.
I was going through Beau's site yesterday and it made me very sad to know that someone would actually steal a dog. Most people may think that a dog is just a dog and there are many more dogs out there in pet shops and shelters waiting for new homes but many pet owners out there will definitely beg to differ. Our pets (not only dogs) are actually part of the family and should be loved, respected and treated as a member of the family. And you would do anything to find a missing family member, no matter how long it takes.
So what can you do to help find Beau? For Australians, Susan set up a pretty informative page here
describing how Beau (and English Setters, in general) looks like and you can even download a flyer of the missing dog to be printed out and passed along.
But for now, it would really help to spread the word around. We all know how much it hurts to lose something we truly love. So, for once instead of waiting for someone to do something nice for us before we do something nice for other people, let's play Pay It Forward. I'm doing this because I love dogs and Susan is a genuinely nice person (trust me, I emailed her) who doesn't deserve to have her dog taken away from her.
Spread the word, people. Let's help Beau find his way back home.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:55 pm ::
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Like all the other objects I crave for, I've always wanted a tattoo. When I was 19 or 20, I enjoyed doodling on myself with markers and coloured pens. Usually it was a butterfly on my thigh because that was the easiest place to draw. I did a lizard around my ankle ball a couple of times. Even created a cardboard stencil so I didn't have to repeat my efforts every time I showered.
Oh, and how could I ever forget the time I created huge black tribal sun around my belly button and proudly showed it to my mother.
But like *most* decent Chinese parents, my parents (my father, in particular) managed to quash my body art dreams. He said it was ridiculous since tattoos are not part of the Chinese culture. And that no guy would ever want me if I inked myself. And that I would regret my decision one day.
So like *most* decent Chinese daughters, I took my parents' advice. Even psychoed myself into not liking tattoos and mentally scorning people who inked themselves obsessively.
Then I woke up yesterday and realized that in 3 years time I'll be 30 and there's no freaking way that I'm going to buy my father's excuse that no guy would want an inked girl because that's utter bullshit. Yes, there's a part of me that's still very worried about pissing my parents off (hur hur *rolleyes*) but WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?
I thought about getting a phoenix inked on my back, but come to think of it, that's not really something I feel strongly about.
Then I found something else. :)
This was the overall card which I got for my first ever tarot reading. It's absolutely the best card to get from the whole deck. And I got it. It's gorgeous, if I do say so myself.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 10:47 pm ::
Monday, April 09, 2007
Obviously I'm bored
Ashish C tagged me
. And what does the C in his name stand for? I seriously have no idea.
Five things that I'm obsessed with:
The more expensive, the more branded, the better.
2. Unpaid bills.
I get borderline anxiety attacks and insomnia when I don't have time to pay my bills.
3. Body odour.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO HAVE B.O. BUT DON'T BOTHER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Hello, a bottle of Rexona cost less than RM10, okay?
4. Circumcised cocks.
I have a phobia for dick cheese. If I ruled the world, I'll make it mandatory for every guy to be snipped.
Oops, did I mention this one before? Sorry, my bad. But it only goes to show the depth of my obsession.
Sarah Yew aka Little Miss Spoilt :)
My cousin who is, like, the epitome of weirdness but she's addictive.
Get to work, y'alls.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 8:12 pm ::
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Anthony Bourdain doesn't know my secret
Due to some unfortunate event that happened over the weekend, I confined myself in my room for most of Sunday and played Pokemon on my laptop.
Then I realized I was hungry.
Going through my secret food stash (remnants of past picnics and weekend trips) I managed to uncover half a can of Pringles and a small can of baked beans.
I have to report that they go very well together, like a comedy version of nachos and dip. I am ecstatic.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:40 pm ::
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
This will rank no. 1 on my wishlist
The one on the left is a Bottega Veneta Limo Intrecciato Nappa Umbria Sloane Bag.
The one on the right is a Bottega Veneta Ottone Intrecciato Chevre Roma Bag.
The one on the left costs RM9,650.
The one on the right costs RM13,050.
And they're both considered low-end Bottega bags.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:08 pm ::
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Jaded and my nerves are shot to hell
It would be so much easier if I could be so superficial about love, as in, oh I love you as much as I love my Bottega Veneta/Coach Hamptons/Chloe Paddington but I can't because I don't have a Bottega, a Coach, or a Chloe.
These days I'm just so jaded. You've been there? So have I. You've done that? So have I. Nothing's new. It's just the same old... sigh.
Actually I used to be superficial about love a long time ago when the L-word was just an automatic prelude to sex. When you wake up beside a guy who has some other girl's photo in his wallet. When the thin line between platonic and lust gets lost amidst sweaty bedsheets and pillows. I was in constant flee mode, with one leg positioned at the exit door, ready to run at the first sign of trouble. I didn't want to have anything to do with real love, the type that came with a commitment tag. Real love meant real heartbreak.
But real love has a weird marketing strategy. It sometimes disguises itself as superficial love and you buy it and bam! Suddenly you wake up one day starry-eyed and believing in ever after.
I want real love that doesn't come with major heartbreak.
Maybe one day I'll be able to find a hybrid type of love.
Like those petroleum-electric hybrid vehicles.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:00 pm ::
Sunday, April 01, 2007
My first first aid kit
My birthday pressie from Miss Thongs
came more than a month earlier. Which is awesome because it's like I have two birthdays or something. Nahhh, I just love receiving presents!
Apparently I complained that I was in a dire state of emergency. So being the good friend that she is, she got me an emergency first aid kit!
Hmm. I don't remember first aid kits being a mere 4.5 inches long. Let's break the glass, I mean, clear plastic.
It looks pretty innocent. I could probably leave it out in the open and nobody would ever guess that lurking underneath is...
... a flaming red
vibrator massager! Ooo... thank you womansie! You're such a lifesaver (no pun intended) and you've made someone else (apart from me) very happy with this gift. Hehe. Weird huh, coz this little baby is suppose to be a guy's worst enemy. With an average scoring rate of 99.99%, shouldn't you guys feel threatened?
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:38 pm ::