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Today I am so amused.

Okay, back in high school I had this one classmate who was a real riot. In front of teachers he was damn quiet with an innocent, angelic face.

But if ANYTHING went wrong in the class, you can be 99.999999% sure that this fella had something to do with it. I kid you not.

Once during our Biology practical, we had to dissect fishes. I remember it was a Friday. Upon entering class the following Monday, I was greeted with an faint but awful stink. Using my nose as a guide, I traced the stink to a heap of books in the back cupboard. And under the heap of books was a chalkbox half-filled with chalk... and the remains of a dissected fish.

Mahai.

This fella had a sidekick one year (in Form 4, I think). One lunchtime, the two rascals decided to have a little "barbecue" in class. They were caught trying to start a fire in the drainage hole under the sink by throwing bits of flaming paper and matches into the hole. The whole classroom was literally smokehell.

Mahai.

Then one day after school, he decided to utilize a whole spool of white thread in the most unique way. Yes, by making a giant spiderweb that spanned the entire classroom from wall to wall.

Mahai.

This fella also wrote the most amazing English compositions. Come end of the year when we all sent our old exercise books for recycling, I came across one of his essays. He wrote this story about a guy saving this girl named Pigza Hut from a burning school.

Excerpts from the essay:

"Clement ran around the burning classroom shouting, "Pigza! Pigza! Where are you?"

Suddenly from a distance, he heard a muffled oink..."

The story ended with Clement successfully saving a burning (cooked) Pigza Hut. Unfortunately, she smelled so good that she ended up being torn to pieces and eaten by the rest of the students.

Sheer brilliance, I tell you.


Anyway, this fella.. this little punk who never fancied a girl back in school.. has now been reduced to a pussywhipped wanker by a girl 1/3 his size.

From awesome cannibalistic gore, he now writes emofucked stuff like "Baby, I need to take better care of you..." in Friendster.

*wails*