Hedonistics Anonymous
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Any Kuching girls in need of a V-Day bf?
Ems is a bully victim's epitome of perfection. I should know, I've been bullying him since, like, forever... *evil laughter!*
He's such a blur pushover and I adore bulldozing my demands and my ADD-ness all over him.
He's such a blur pushover and I adore bulldozing my demands and my ADD-ness all over him.
"I wanna use the lift!"
"No."
"I wanna use the lift!"
"Wtf for!? The lift's slow and smelly! The inside stinks like pee!"
"I don't care! I wanna use the lift!"
"Then you use go use it by yourself."
"Noooo.. I want you to accompany me."
"No."
"Pleasepleasepleaseplease use the lift WITH ME!!!!!"
"ALRIGHT! FINE! WE'LL USE THE LIFT! HAPPY?"
"Yayyy!! Eh.. the stairs are just here. Come, we'll take the stairs instead..."
"............."
Ems is soooo nice. But then hor, any guy who lets me get my way is very nice. Ems is hot because he gets hit on by males, females and anything in between. Are any of you ever that lucky? Yes?
Did I hear you say yes?
Then you're lying. I don't care. I Say You Are Lying And You Are So Going To Hell For This.
Except Ems lah. He doesn't have to go to hell. Because I'm always around to make his life hell. Everytime he goes out with me, his stress level spikes to OMFG levels and his blood pressure shoots up high enough to knock a coconut off a tree. But still he wants to go out with me, so it's not my fault.
After a grand session of pussywhipping...
Did I hear you say yes?
Then you're lying. I don't care. I Say You Are Lying And You Are So Going To Hell For This.
Except Ems lah. He doesn't have to go to hell. Because I'm always around to make his life hell. Everytime he goes out with me, his stress level spikes to OMFG levels and his blood pressure shoots up high enough to knock a coconut off a tree. But still he wants to go out with me, so it's not my fault.
After a grand session of pussywhipping...
"Ems, do you think I'll make a good lawyer?"
"No."
"WHY?"
"You always fight below the belt and resort to threats and blackmail."
"So?"
"You can't do this in front of the judge, okay?"
"Says who... if I want to, then how?"
"I think you'll make a very good along*."
"Wtf?!"
"If your victim refuses to obey, you can always scream 'IF YOU DON'T PAY UP, I'LL TELL YOUR WIFE!!!'"
"You farrrker..."
Anywayyyyy, this chaupotpot fella is single and available for Valentine's Day. So any Kuching girls who are in dire need of a nice, gentlemanly, bully-able pseudo-bf, please do yourself a favour and head over to Ems' Friendster page and drop him a message.
Or you can leave a note with your contact details in my comment box and I'll pass it to him.
Gosh, it's quite fun to pimp a friend. I can feel my karma level improving already! Yayness!
Or you can leave a note with your contact details in my comment box and I'll pass it to him.
Gosh, it's quite fun to pimp a friend. I can feel my karma level improving already! Yayness!
*along: Moneylender or debt collector, usually of the illegal variety.
Oooooo... JeremyC tagged me with this V-Day meme!
M@h@i.
Okay, since I'm on a karma-boosting quest today, I shall do it!
1. What did you do for last Valentine's?
I seriously don't remember.
2. What are you planning to do for the next Valentine's (tomorrow)?
Nothing. Probably sit at home and sulk.
3. What would be the ideal place to celebrate Valentine's?
In bed. In the Presidential Suite of a 5-star hotel in Paris. With a hot, hunky stud with big, sexy long-lashed eyes.
4. What qualities in a person would make an ideal Valentine's date for you?
Rich. Big, sexy, long-lashed eyes. Nice car. Great dancer. Very obliging. Believes that is perfectly normal to shower a girl with expensive gifts like a Porsche everyday. VERY RICH.
5. What gifts would you buy/have bought for your partner?
Shirts, belts, wallets, thongs, CDs etc.
6. What gifts have you received/would like to receive from your partner?
Have received: Necklace, bracelet, shirts, flowers, soft toys, neon diskettes (wtf!), hat, cards.
Would like to receive: Refer to this post.
7. What's your all-time favourite romantic movie?
Oh god, I hardly watch romantic movies! The Virgin Suicides, I suppose. Or Crazy/Beautiful. I think I have a thing for Kirsten Dunst. Btw, the most hopeless "romantic" *sneer* movie I've watched is A Walk To Remember.
8. If you could choose any person on earth to be your date on Valentine's, who would it be?
IAN SOMERHALDER!!! Fredrik Ljungberg. Viggo Mortensen. Jude Law. My boyfriend. *smiles sweetly*
I seriously don't remember.
2. What are you planning to do for the next Valentine's (tomorrow)?
Nothing. Probably sit at home and sulk.
3. What would be the ideal place to celebrate Valentine's?
In bed. In the Presidential Suite of a 5-star hotel in Paris. With a hot, hunky stud with big, sexy long-lashed eyes.
4. What qualities in a person would make an ideal Valentine's date for you?
Rich. Big, sexy, long-lashed eyes. Nice car. Great dancer. Very obliging. Believes that is perfectly normal to shower a girl with expensive gifts like a Porsche everyday. VERY RICH.
5. What gifts would you buy/have bought for your partner?
Shirts, belts, wallets, thongs, CDs etc.
6. What gifts have you received/would like to receive from your partner?
Have received: Necklace, bracelet, shirts, flowers, soft toys, neon diskettes (wtf!), hat, cards.
Would like to receive: Refer to this post.
7. What's your all-time favourite romantic movie?
Oh god, I hardly watch romantic movies! The Virgin Suicides, I suppose. Or Crazy/Beautiful. I think I have a thing for Kirsten Dunst. Btw, the most hopeless "romantic" *sneer* movie I've watched is A Walk To Remember.
8. If you could choose any person on earth to be your date on Valentine's, who would it be?
9. And then ha... I would like to tag the following beeyootifool people:
plinky plink
chienne
snglguy
beer brat
kthxbai.
