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Monday, November 21, 2005

"...Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light..."

Dylan Thomas - "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

Sometimes I do ponder about death. It holds a morbid fascination for me. How will I die? Will it hurt? How does it feel to cease to exist? And on a lesser level, I wonder who will actually mourn my passing. Who will go through my personal belongings? And boy oh boy, won't they be shocked if they do uncover some "interesting" errmm... things.

Strangely, I am not afraid of death. I've always thought of the whole dying process in a matter-of-fact way. It might not be pleasant, but it's necessary. Life is sinfully short. If I were to live to be 100, I've already gone through 1/4 of my life. But I don't think I'll live to be 100. Hell, I don't want to live to be 100 - being old, fugly and senile scares me even more than death.

I don't want to die painfully, that's for sure. But if there's serious pain involved (as in sickness etc) I sure hope the doctors will close both eyes and euthanize me. If there's no chance of recovery, I wouldn't want to "rage against the dying light" just to prolong my suffering existence on earth. It's indignified and purely unnecessary.

When I was 8 or 9, my great-grandmother was admitted to the hospital. I can't recall why, but it had something to do with her collapsing in the bathroom. Come to think of it, I think she had a stroke because she couldn't talk or walk afterthat. She lay bedridden 24/7 in her own private ward with 1 or 2 relatives to keep an eye on her. Sometimes I would accompany one of my older cousins for an overnite vigil. Completely helpless and mostly unconscious, my great-grandmother could only communicate through hoarse gurgles. We had to do alot of guesswork on our part.

But the part I hated most was when distant relatives and friends came a-visiting.

They would crow and rave about how great the old lady looked and how she would be well in no time.

Little white lies to make their conscience feel better? Boost the patient's morale? An opening gambit to enable them to be privy to the most up-to-date gossip?

Being the youngest in the room at that time, I never openly voiced my displeasure. Usually I would take out a book to read in a vain attempt to ignore the guests. But at times, amidst all the meaningless chatter, I could sense that my great-grandmother was very weary of this whole ordeal. Who wouldn't be? But there was nothing she or I could do.

Mindless, senseless, meaningless suffering. All for what?

And people shoot horses just for having a broken leg.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 10:54 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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I woke up this morning...

...feeling slightly annoyed. But was I bothered? No... not really. The beauty thing about annoyance is that it is probably more difficult to spell than handle.

But the ickle annoyance soon grew into a massive, fullblown, rip-roaring I'MSOFUCKINGPISSEDATTHEFUCKINGWORLD kinda pissed when my mascara smudged THRICE and I had to redo it THRICE.

And that includes the whole bloody eyeworks - eyeshadow, eyeliner, and yes... mascara. Oh, and lash curling. Have to wait a good 10 minutes for the mascara to dry before curling the lashes with heated tongs.

I hate Clinique's High Impact Mascara. I never had a smudge session with L'oreal. I think it's the bristles. Clinique's bristles are just soooo NOT meant for sparse cheena lashes. Somemore, the mascara tends to come out all clumpy and gooey. And it takes longer to dry.

Oh well, the smudge magnet is now in the bin. Thank goodness it was a free gift from Clinique, so I didn't have anything lose except my precious time.

So damn pissed today. I'm probably as pleasant as a caged lion with a sore paw.

Don't think I'll be going out tonite. Bah. So much assignments, so little time...

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:37 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Grunge is awesome today

I'm slightly grouchy because I can't seem to install Micrografx Picture Publisher on my PC. You see, before this I've always used both Micrografx and Photoshop together, Micrografx for simple editing and Photoshop for more... errr... complicated stuff.

Anyway.

This morning I couldn't be botheredddd with my contacts. So I wore glasses to the office. (No lengchai to kau... what for look so chio... righto'not?)

But nothing beats the girl who sits in front of me, MK, who wore charcoal cargo pants and a grungy (i.e slightly dirt-streaked) baby blue T to work. Her hair was a little mussed up and she donned a black front-zipped hoodie in an attempt to conceal her grungy T.

And here I am in a nice black semi-formal top and an apple green skirt. SO BORING!

I actually gasped when I saw MK.

I was sooooooo jealous.

If I had my way, I'll don army cargos with my red-black Che Guevara T, ring my eyes black and my lips blood red (ala heroin chic) and stride moodily into the office. Anyone who dare to stare at me, I'll pin them down with a killer F.U. look.

I'm such an effing dramatist. *Preens proudly*

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:52 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Mascara is teh pwn!

L'oreal Double Extension mascara in black works wonders.

Without it, my eyes will be so damn cheena.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 12:05 am :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Randomness at 1AM

I was having a late night/early morning conversation with HazelEyes until...


HE : So... what do you look for in a guy?

Me : I adore guys with huge eyes...

HE : You mean like E.T. har?

Me : -_-;

Me : Nooooo... I meant guys with huge eyes and super-long lashes...

HE : Ohhhhhh... so you like Doraemon lah!! He's cute what... and he's got huge round eyes...

Me : Not unless he cheerfully pulls out a vibrator from his magic pocket!!!

HE : BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Man... you could get sky-high on random crap like that.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:31 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

20 random facts about yours truly (Part Deux)

11. I usually forget to cover my mouth when I yawn in public. My bf often (lovingly) comments that I am a chronic yawner.

12. I am easily captivated my magic tricks. And I usually don't bother to figure out how they're done.

13. And because of #12, I used to have a huge thing for David Blaine. He's just soooo sexy!!

14. I like skanky girls. Paris Hilton fits the bill perfectly. If I were a guy, and Paris is my gf, I'll dress her up like a French whore and flaunt her around town. Scandalicious!!

15. I am a chocolate freak. I adore bittersweet chocs.

16. I used to have three fat pearl-skinned goldfishes named Jonjon, Jolly, and Ahsoon. Jolly was my favourite. He was a notorious food-snatcher and bully.

17. I'm into R&B, hip-hop, and dance music. My ex-Mr Supervisor used to complain that I am weird because "always listen to black people music." He's not very politically correct, but I just let it slide.

18. I learned that you can't crack good jokes if you're often politically correct.

19. I don't like to deal with crying people. Especially in public. Scary shit.

20. I am a horror movie freak.

Whaddya know, it's lunch time already! Heh.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:25 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

20 random facts about yours truly (Part One)

1. I can be very "in-your-face". I have a way of randomly shocking people with the things I say or do.

2. If you don't bug me, I won't bug you. Hell, I won't even talk to you. *kindly smile*

3. I've got double eyelids on my left eye, but my right eye is single-lidded.

4. I prefer dogs to cats. My tolerance towards felines declines drastically as I grow older.

5. By rule, I don't consume alcohol. All my friends believe that I get drunk on Coke.

6. I smoke. But strangely, I forgot to smoke during lunch today.

7. I don't like pink coloured food - no strawberry ice-cream please.

8. Jeremy thinks that I'm outgoing. I have a feeling that it's his "nice" way of saying that I GO all OUT to push people's buttons. Well, at least that's what Ems thinks. Bwahahahahahahahaha..!!

9. So far I have done nothing to decorate my office cubicle. Desktop clutter is highly unproductive and distracting. But I enjoy admiring my other colleagues'... err... clutter. Heh.

10. The girl who sits in front of me, MK, thinks that I'm super hilarious. (-_-)"

Okay... it's 5pm... time to go home. Shall continue tomorrow.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 11:22 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Monday, November 14, 2005

Lay-zee-nez

2nd day at work, and feeling slightly bolder. I've got my browser in place (Firefox, no less... heh) and my LimeWire is up and running (Yay! Long live illegal downloads!!)

MSN - I'm still not feeling bold enough to run it full-time. Besides, I need to work, okay... not chat! *indulges in a moment of angelic-ness*

Time passes extremely fast in the office.

There's this extremely cute guy who works in the same building. My heart skipped several beats when I saw him just now. Actually I've known this guy since I was 17 or so... a good friend of mine brought me to his house once. But we never kept in touch over the years so, yeah... we're practically strangers to each other now. But nevermind, I shall rewrite history SOON!

I have no idea how to begin my research report. One week of lazing has literally left me downright lazyyyyy. Procrastinator's anthem: Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

I feel really good. *grins!*

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 8:08 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

First day... I'm psyched

Heyyyyy, I'm backkkkkk...!!

Okay, I'm reporting from my cubicle on the 7th floor of a shopping complex and this is my first day of work.

More about this later.

I'm off to lunch!

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 9:18 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Friday, November 04, 2005

Guys who take/borrow money from girls SUCK!!!!

Late one night in two darkened rooms, miles and miles apart from each other, we reconciled.

Short of fucking up my emotions royally once every 3 months or so, he's not a bad bf.

1. He's loyal.

2. He NEVER takes/asks money from me.

3. He uncomplainingly gives me money when I ask.

4. He uncomplainingly reloads my prepaid credit for me.

5. He doesn't drink and gamble.

6. He doesn't smoke anymore.

7. He doesn't do drugs.

8. He's got huge eyes with super-long lashes.


Strangely enough, it's criteria #2 that makes me respect him the most. Before this, I've had bfs who had no qualms about asking/borrowing money from me. But every time I parted with my cash, my respect for them diminished bit by bit until there's nothing left but scathing disdain.

What's worse is a bf who suddenly develops amnesia or makes empty payback promises after pocketing the cash.

I have very little respect for guys who take money from girls, unless those guys are toyboys or kept men, then it's okay, because it's considered payment for services offered.

Guys who take money from their gfs ought to have their cock and balls liquidised in the blender. They obviously don't need their "tools" anymore because, well, they're just soooo not guys.

Oh, a pet peeve of mine is seeing couples dining at el cheapo places and still the guy doesn't show any inclination to pay for the girl. I mean, it's okayyyyy to go dutch once in awhile, but no matter what, as a guy you should still put on a show to pay for the girl. Even if it has been pre-agreed to go dutch between both of you. Even if you don't mean it. Just pretend to be gentleman for a minute, can or not?

Guys who insist on going dutch on the time should also have their cock and balls pulverised by a jackhammer. Fuck going dutch! That option should only be initiated by girls. If a girl doesn't mention anything, just fucking pay for her, ok? Don't be such a pathetic bastard and only put down your share of the bill and then pretend to look away.

And if you can get any lower than that, please don't split the bill down to the last sen. It's bad enough that you're bringing a girl out for dinner although you obviously can't afford to, but chasing her for a measly 1 sen?!?

Like my dad always say, "Na hei mo cheen, mm sey siong oi kau lui lahhhhh..."

(If you don't have money, don't even THINK of courting a girl)

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I'll be taking a one-week break from blogging. Today's my last day at work... yayyyyy!! If all goes well, I'll be back on the 14th. Take care y'alls.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 7:26 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Tagged (again!)

This guy tagged me.

I feel like screaming, but I'll do it.

Why?

*Irritably* I don't know, I guess I'm just tooooo effing nice. Heh.

1) Is it polite to stare?

YES!!!!! I adore staring. I stare at people all the time. Don't believe? Ask this girl.


2) What are your 7 favourite songs?

I don't have any favourite songs, so I'm going to modify the Q a little. I'll list down 7 songs that have special meaning for me.

1. Duncan Sheik - Wishful Thinking
I loved Ethan Hawke In Great Expectations. This song is a permanent fixture in my playlist wherever I go.

2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
My post-breakup anthem early last year.

3. Eve ft. Drag On - Got What You Need
He's got the wickedest moves to this song.

4. Beyond - Sea Sky (Hai Kuo Tian Kong)
His favourite, most-requested song.

5. Peterpan - Mungkin Nanti
He sang this song to me while I was half-drunk.

6. Elton John - Daniel
My favourite "leaving on a jet-plane" song.

7. Ash - Girl From Mars
I don't like cigars unless they're Henri Winterman's. Why? Because the Girl from Mars only smokes Henri Winterman cigars when she stayed up late playing cards.


I'm not going to tag anyone. Be thankful, you scurvy lot.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:33 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Stoned (played on loop)

Stoned. stoned. stoned. stoned. stoned. stoned.

I think my brain has been temporarily replaced by rocks.

My attention span is shorter than a goldfish's memory. One minute I'm doing my news updates. The next minute I'm watching the trailer movie download of Corpse Bride.

It took me practically the whole morning to key in a small piece of news.

My voice has changed since last week. It's undoubtly huskier. I think the ciggies are to be blamed (made a sudden switch from Salem to Marlboro Menthol) Funny how I used to hate the smell of Marlboro - it's very different from Salem, sharper and drier I think.

The only songs I can tolerate at the moment are sad ones. The more emo the better.

Hootie and The Blowfish fits the bill perfectly.

Click here to download Hootie and The Blowfish - Goodbye Girl.mp3
Link expires in 7 days.

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 10:46 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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And then some

Last night I drove home so bloody stoned that I was seeing triple, 4-ple, 5-ple visions. I remembered seeing a grey cat with shining eyes hopping among the grassy sidewalk, but when I looked closer, it was just a large rain puddle.

Can someone please tell me how a puddle can look like a cat?

Before that, I royally puked my entire pre-dinner out (2 pcs plain cream crackers, a banana, and a can of green tea) as well as my dinner (a glass of coke). This is the first time I puked after doing weed.

Ugh.

Maybe it's because of the lack of real food in my tummy. But I *think* I might be suffering from post-breakuprexia, which is actually a severe loss of appetite following a breakup.

Or maybe it's because I have been floating in and out of depression the whole of yesterday. The weed merely emphasized/exaggerated my emotions.

Or maybe it's the lack of sleep.



Anywayyyyy, I managed to send my cousin dearest home as per mummy's orders, and I (barely) managed to get myself home.

I couldn't even unlock the front door.

I wanted to puke. And so I did, right into the huge dragon flowerpot.

By then, my stomach was so empty I was merely throwing up saliva/stomach juice.

The plants must be thinking, "Hooray! Now we've got weed-saturated fertilizer!"

Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 6:07 pm :: | ---------------oOo---------------

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