Friday, October 14, 2005
Just now it suddenly hit me.
I'm not so myself anymore.
15 seconds ago, I re-evaluated my life - taking stock of what I have achieved to date, my happiness factor, am I satisfied, blah de blah blah... and I realized that I was much much happier a year ago when I was living away from home.
I *think* the main problem lies in living with my family.
When I'm living alone, I eat what I want to eat. So the food is always good. I go where I want to go. So I'm always happy. I do what I want to do and all at my own time.
All is good.
Now I can't do that. I don't like my parents' cooking. I wouldn't mind taking over the kitchen job but since I work too long hours, it's out of the question. I can't pull an all-nighter anymore because my parents will definitely ask all sorts of Qs. And it's not like I'm dying to pull an all-nighter here anyway... Kuching is sooooo boring!
In hindsight, I can probably stay single forever (but have an armada of toyboys for THAT purpose) and be very, very contented. I am self-centered because I appreciate myself the most. I don't mind doing things for people if they appreciate it, but usually than not, they don't. They start taking things for granted. And that's when I become unhappy.
Too much family makes me sick.
P/S: I think the word "freedom" is missing somewhere.
Posted by Hedonistics Anonymous :: 9:15 pm ::
P/P/S: Don't ANYBODY suggest I move out of the house. I can't move out of the house... not at the moment... not until I've completed my studies.
I *think* deep down inside I resent my parents for making me come back to Kuching to study. I hate it when people make life-changing decisions for me because they have the right to do so.